Gone Too Soon

These last few days, were the days I found not-easy to live in. I was still mourning and grieving. I lost a part of me. I lost my 8-week-growing baby inside me.

Some say, "Life must go on, Dear. Keep your head up. So many things to do. So many things await you."

I know. I know. But my minds and my heart seemed cannot function well together.

I just felt so weak. I wanted to do nothing but weeping. I felt so lost and brokenhearted. I need more than just advice. I need hug more. Or comforting words. I need love, support and care rather than advice. Or sometimes just a message saying hello. No lecture, please. I need a bandage to heal the cuts. Not knowledge to fill up my head. My heart ache, feels like cuts deep down inside. I'm not ready for this. 

I was ready to welcome our third baby.

My body knew it. It changed. It welcomed our baby. 

And I did too. We all did.

I have loved our baby, the first time I read the testpack.

I have loved our baby even I hadn't feel it moved nor kick.

I sang to our baby, talked to our baby when I laid, walked, sat and sew.

I was more than ready to set our baby's room and plan that him/her was going to join our homeschool days.

But, I was never ready to hear that there's no more heartbeat.

I was not ready at all. 

You just gone to soon, Little One. Gone too soon.